Judging Others ... Judging Yourself

Have you ever noticed how many people are inconsiderate? How often others just don't seem to be aware of anyone but themselves?

How about the people that think they are worth more than others because their bank account is bigger? Or those that think their opinion is better than others' because they are well-known celebrities, politicians, public figures, or hold a post of some weight?

And have you seen any of those that believe there is something special about them because they frequent a lot of social events, or because they eat at certain exclusive restaurants, or stay at up-market hotels?

What about the person who drinks too much and creates havoc on public roads? Or causes uncomfortable situations in a family's holiday reunion? The list could go on and on.

Judging other people for any of the above and many other things, is a curious phenomenon. As we judge others we are actually judging ourselves. What I mean by that is that if we feel we must judge, we automatically place ourselves in a position of "better" in some way than the other person. Examine that for a moment. Better? Better?

It may be true that others do whatever they do, but where do we come, what place in ourselves to we come from with these judgements?

Much negativity is associated with judging others, beginning with that essence of feeling somehow better or more worthy, or holier, or less materialistic, or more law-abiding, or less vain, etc. than another. So in this comparison of ourselves and the other, we lose any possibility of connection with the other. If we lose that, we lose the most precious aspect of our time here: that of discovering our connection to all of humanity.

Going back to judgement - here is a suggestion: when you find yourself judging, and if you would like to do so less, or stop it all together, simply send the other person peace or love in your mind, and let it go. Let whatever it was that you had been judging leave your mind. You will find that your life becomes both much more simple, and much, much richer. Try it, even if only for a couple of weeks to observe its effect on you.

 

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch:

Rewiring the Soul

Click here to download the first chapter.

To see the Table of Contents click here

Reviews From the Back Cover:

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself 

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of: Ecstasy is a New Frequency

“Eloquently and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.” 
Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born 


The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self 

My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is just out. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:

It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.

Be Your True Self With the People You Love

The author of a book I recommended recently: Happiness is a Choice, makes mention of something that is so obvious, so important, and yet so rare.

Asked during the question-and-answer period after a seminar, by one of the participants, how he and his wife had managed to stay married so long, and what the secret to their bliss was, Barry Neil Kaufman replied that what he most loved about his wife, was the fact that when he was with her, it was as though he were alone. In other words, with her, he did not have to pretend to be anything or anyone other than the one he truly is.

And that is what I want to encourage you to do today. Be aware of yourself when you start to be someone you are not, especially when you are with those who love you and whom you love. Being real makes for such a difference in the quality of your life and the happiness you will feel. If you are at the beginning of a new relationship, practice it right from day one. If you are in a relationship of many years' standing, begin to be the one you really are. Become conscious of the moments you pretend to be another and step by step, get rid of that persona and allow your real self to come through. Think your relationship won't be able to take it? You might be surprised.

Image: Blue Bay Beach. Kiwengwa, Zanzibar

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch:

Rewiring the Soul

Click here to download the first chapter.

To see the Table of Contents click here

Reviews From the Back Cover:

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself 

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of: Ecstasy is a New Frequency

“Eloquently and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.” 
Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born 


The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self 

My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is just out. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:

It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.

Never Stop Talking to Those Who Matter to You

Where would we be without real conversations with our loved ones? How can you sustain a relationship of any kind with a person you care for without communication that breaks through the barriers of social distance and gets into the parts of you that are totally real?

We need to know that our verbal and physical contact with those people in our lives that really matter to us is more important than many other things. If we are unable to connect at levels that delve deep into ourselves, we are living at the surface of life, of the relationship with little hope of becoming profoundly intertwined. (See also an earlier post: Crossing Thresholds).

Some people talk about energetic connections between people who are important to each, between lovers, between parents and children, and it certainly appears that these connections exist. Something traumatic may happen to one part of the relationship, and the other part, even though that person may be thousands of miles away, knows something happened at exactly the same moment in time. Countless stories tell us about the veracity of this.

What I am talking about here, however, is the connection that exists between two people who speak their truth to each other, and who connect - among other things - through their conversations. This can happen if you talk, and talk, and really talk to the other person, and it can happen if you open yourself, not only to the other person, but to your own inner truth. (See also my April 2007 Newsletter: Losing the Connection: You Still Love Each Other but No Longer Connect).

What does talking to another person have to do with your own inner truth? Quite a lot. If you aren’t aware of yourself, if you aren’t honest to yourself about yourself, it will be quite difficult to talk to the other person at the levels I am describing. Your conversations with others – even with important others – will not touch the rock bottom of your truth. And hence will not connect you to that person in a way that leads to true communication.

So talk. And talk. But above all, become aware of yourself in order to be able to really talk.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch:

Rewiring the Soul

Click here to download the first chapter.

To see the Table of Contents click here

Reviews From the Back Cover:

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself 

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of: Ecstasy is a New Frequency

“Eloquently and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.” 
Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born 


The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self 

My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is just out. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:

It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.

The Risks We Don't Take

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly". Robert F. Kennedy

What is so frightening about taking a risk? What do risks imply? What happens if we risk something and then fail? What happens if we risk nothing?

Risk taking is about the fear of failure and/or rejection. (See also my article Rejection: The Devastating and Paralyzing Effect it Can Have on Us). The thought of failure can be so devastating to some individuals, that it may totally hinder them from ever even attempting something they have their heart set on, or that has been a dream for a long time.

• The policy of being too cautious is the greatest risk of all. Jawaharlal Nehru
• I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. Pablo Picasso
• Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. T.S. Eliot

The left brain (logical and rational thinking) takes over, the individual tells him or herself that whatever is being contemplated is too risky, implies too much potential for failure or rejection, and that therefore there is no point in even giving it a try. Obviously there is a world of difference between being foolish with risks (i.e. spending the family’s food budget on sports betting), and being pro-active, entrepreneurial, and following one’s bliss, as Joseph Campbell would have put it. (See also my June 2006 Newsletter: Finding a Meaning for Your Life).

• The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live. Leo Buscaglia
• Nothing will ever be attempted, if all possible objections must be first overcome. Samuel Johnson
• It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. Seneca

Risking something is generally implied when a person is going after a dream. Many of the world’s most successful ventures began as dreams in someone’s mind, basement (Bill Gates and Microsoft, Larry Page and Sergey Brin and Google, Ray Kroc and MacDonald’s, America and Christopher Columbus, to name only a few of the more obvious ones), or drawing board. Had they not gone after this dream, had they not dared to risk whatever was involved in it – sometimes risking money, sometimes time, sometimes their name and prestige – they would never have achieved the success they found. (See also: Inauthentic Lives).

• One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time. André Gide
• To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself. Soren Kierkegaard
• You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Wayne Gretzky

The worst part of taking risks however, is not failing, and is not being rejected. If you fail, you can figure out a new way of starting over and trying again. Or if you don’t achieve all the success you had hoped for, you may need to refine your methods. But if you don’t take a risk, if you never risk anything, you know that this is what you will most regret as your life comes to a close. You will remember all that you could have done, all the people you could have loved, all that you could have attempted, all the dreams you could have followed, and you will know that you did not. This will be a deep regret. Don’t go to that place. Follow your dreams, take the risks, find a bridge across your fears and discover how much you can really do!

• Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first. Frederick B. Wilcox
• Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down. Ray Bradbury
• He who risks and fails can be forgiven. He who never risks and never fails is a failure in his whole being. Paul Tillich

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch:

Rewiring the Soul

Click here to download the first chapter.

To see the Table of Contents click here

Reviews From the Back Cover:

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself 

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of: Ecstasy is a New Frequency

“Eloquently and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.” 
Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born 


The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self 

My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is just out. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:

It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.

Fear of Emotional Expression: Leaving Your Comfort Zone

Who doesn’t know someone who seems to be afraid of showing their emotions; who may be very caring and giving on other levels, but who just can’t manage any real “feeling” words and actions?

Often these are men and women who may hide behind the cover of continual work commitments, who have a multitude of friends (generally of their own sex) with whom they insist on spending a great deal of time, or who simply always maintain a veneer of reserve, even with their closest and dearest.

So you can never really get close to them. They simply don’t let you.

And it’s almost impossible to have a conversation of any emotional depth; it may feel like struggling to grasp a slippery, wet fish if you try talking about emotions with them.

If you are feeling a vaguely uncomfortable twisting in your solar plexus, or a prickly tremor of warmth running through your chest and heart region, or your face heating ever so slightly, you might recognize yourself as one of the people that remain in the emotional comfort zone.

Any comfort zone exists in order to maintain the status quo. That is, you keep it up so that different areas of your life remain under control, that nothing changes, and that you feel secure. As you leave your emotional comfort zone, you start getting twinges of fear because you are entering unknown territory where you run risks, most particularly of becoming vulnerable and getting hurt.

What is actually happening is that by braving out into the unknown territory, by feeling the trepidation and fear, you are granted an invaluable opportunity to discover new facets of yourself, to enrich yourself, and to stretch and grow beyond your present limits. In this same way Columbus discovered the New World, man stepped on the moon, and you can also begin to express emotionally.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch:

Rewiring the Soul

Click here to download the first chapter.

To see the Table of Contents click here

Reviews From the Back Cover:

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself 

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author

“Eloquently and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.” 
Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born 


The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self (coming October 2013)

My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is due out later this year. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:

It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for my new book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.